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First, kill all the cows . . .
Dennis Wyatt
Dennis Wyatt

Want to look death in the eye?

Then hop into your internal combustion powered vehicle while you still can and take a drive out of town down West Main Street.

It is here just beyond the almond orchards that you will see what is now being portrayed as modern-day death camps. And while they have subjects with numbers tagged to their ears, they are not the ones being led to the “slaughter” — at least not for a dozen years or more.

They are the merchants of death. Like sophomoric teens gorging on food and then letting it rip, the devil reincarnated — complete with the prerequisite hoofs and horns — is using the power of temptation by supplying the drug of choice that many consume to reach the short-lasting euphoric feeling of a full stomach.

Dairy cows are now public enemy No. 1. There is not a story concocted in a bar but a movement inspired by a bartender turned esteem member of Congress.

Cows must be eradicated from the face of the earth — at least the United States anyway — within 10 years or we are all going to die. Rod Sterling of The Twilight Zone fame couldn’t have come up with a more bizarre plot by adding hysteria and fear to stretch facts to try and trigger a Chicken Little stampede so the latest occupants of the Animal Farm — also known as Congress — can prove the premise George Orwell made of what happens when some barnyard creatures proclaim all animals are equal and then make it clear that what they really meant was all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.

Cows have flatulence — a byproduct of simply living and eating — that releases methane gas.

Methane gas contributes to climate change or at least fouls the air.

The working theory as to why the bulk of the dairy cows must apparently be turned into glue is American farmers are producing milk in large enough cost-effective volumes that countless kids — including those from poor working families — can have access to nutritious food.

A bit more about those pesky human kids later.

More cows mean more flatulence, means more methane gas, which means the ocean will rise and flood bars in the Bronx.

And if all of the cows aren’t rounded up as part of the final solution and dispatched within 10 years we won’t be able to save Queens.

Putting farm workers on the bottom of the pay scale out of work is a small price to pay to assure full employment for Twenty-Something bartenders in the boroughs of New York City.

Farm workers should have no worries even if the holy gospel known as the New Green Deal takes away their 20-year-old vehicles. They can still catch a ride to work to their replacement jobs just by walking down to the corner and hopping aboard high speed rail.

That’s because they likely won’t be able to afford to buy a Tesla as all tax credit subsidies the old school green movement dished out when their leaders weren’t on Quaaludes to make it easier for well-off people to be green will be long gone as the money will be needed to complete high speed rail lines connecting Hawaii to San Francisco either via tunnels or the world’s longest bridge.

Of course getting a high speed rail line built between Hawaii and San Francisco in 10 years will be a piece of cake given engineering, cost and environmental issues are nothing compared to the model green project ballyhooed to reverse climate change in the San Joaquin Valley aptly known as the Train to Nowhere connecting cosmopolitan Bakersfield with teeming Merced.

You’re probably wondering by now how those revolutionaries that devised a plan to save the planet by 2030 while hoisting a few drinks as they encouraged the bartender to run for Congress are going to replace the milk produced by cows?

No problem. Just up the production of milk wannabe products such as almond milk.

Whoops, this will make a segment of the green movement get angry and do what Bruce Banner does when he gets enraged and turns into the green monster killing machine known as the Incredible Hulk. After all everyone knows irrigating almond orchards is killing off the Delta smelt and causing a shortage of pixie dust.

Almonds — and anything farmers grow unless it is high quality marijuana hyped up with toxic fertilizer and pesticides that are allowed to flow unabated into pristine streams meandering through ancient redwood forests and killing everything in sight to make sure pot smokers in Queens can take tokes of the primo stuff before they head down to the neighborhood dive bar — use water that must flow free to the Pacific Ocean.

If you are a little confused about now, don’t worry. It’s because you’re not higher than a kite on self-righteousness. It’ll all come into focus once you reread the words Sierra Club executive director Michael Brune spoke in 2017 tying reproductive rights into the effort to protect the environment.

Now to be clear Brune didn’t exactly come out and promote abortion. And he is correct that the number of people one has in a limited space such as the inhabitable parts of earth certainly can have a negative impact on the environment regardless of what standard one is willing to accept.

And in fairness to Brune, the Sierra Club back a number of years ago started talking about population control having to be a key ingredient to long-term environmental goals. Strip away other issues and focus clearly on environmental concerns it is a logical conclusion that less people — read that less babies — is better for the environment.

Cows cutting the cheese, making Elon Musk a zillionaire by outlawing internal combustion engines within 10 years, and eliminating air travel and replacing it with high speed rail aside, it is clear what the ultimate solution is to make the New Green Deal work.

If you don’t have an inkling here’s a clue. It will require immigrants, the working poor, and those that aren’t on the winning side of the socio-economic scale that have larger families on average to have smaller families.

How the bar crowd in the Bronx that is devising the manifest for America’s future is going to accomplish such a goal is rather clear.

Any government decree that allows those in power to say women can’t have an abortion provides the legal basis for the opposite action of the government having the authority to order abortions or — at the very least — doing what China did for a while and severely penalize those families that dare have more than one child.

Sound far-fetched? It is only if you fail to realize everything in life is interconnected and you can’t take a “positive” action — whether it’s is wealth transfer via taxes or killing off cows in the name of the Goddess of Green that has a distinctive New York accent these days — without it triggering a “negative” reaction.

Those who believe otherwise live in a self-absorbed fantasy world that basically says only people who think, live and act like them count.

You really need to reread “Animal Farm”. The pigs get control of the milk in a barnyard “where all animals are equal” by declaring they’re in control and simply taking it.

The only sacred cows those touting the Green New Deal have are themselves and those who agree with them.

Either you’re onboard for the revolution or you’ll find yourself on the next truck to the rendering plant.